Unreal.

Dude. The blankness. It's STILL here.

But I think I realize what it is.

It's not emptiness... its relief. I'm free and I just don't know what to do with myself. :-)

I talked to my Big Sis yesterday, and she told me that CA has been walking around whining that I ran him away ("How do you run away someone that wants to be in a relationship?"), that I'm pregnant with his child ("She may be carrying my baby inside her"), that he can't fully commit in his "new relationship" (damn that was quick) because "if there's a possibility that [he's] a father, [he] wants to know", and he's basically blaming me for any and everything he can think of. Out loud. To anyone who will listen. People who don't know me, and don't give a damn. Just out there whining. He might as well hang a banner from the gotdamn 405 freeway. Whining. Talking behind my back, and on top of that he's speculating and making shit up.

Just like a bitch.

But the funny shit is, I ain't mad. Like for real, I'm not mad in the slightest.

A few years ago, shit scratch that, last year I'd have been ready to make phone calls and have shit mysteriously happen to him. He'd be a few hours from meeting an untimely demise of some sort. But now, I'm literally sitting here smiling. I'm so thankful I was freed from his punk ass. I mean, he's trashing my name to people who wouldn't know me if I walked up on they ass and slapped the shit outta them. I could run them over with my stang and they wouldn't know it was me. But he's going to all these lengths to whine and cry. When I've left him alone and haven't looked back. He's been going on like this for 2 weeks. I thought he wanted to be free of me. Why try so hard to keep me in your life? I don't get it. It's fuckin hilarious.

He is actually blaming me for not being able to fully give 100% to this new chick (who has a daughter, by the way). Which was hella fast... I think she was around when I was headed out the door. Poor lady. That is of no consequence to me, I legitimately feel sorry for her, because unless she's out to get him for his empty wallet, she's gonna come up short. But yeah, thats his new shit. He cant commit because he may have responsibility with me. Nigga, how so? I TOLD YOU I'D CONTACT YOU IF SOMETHING HAPPENED, and I HAVEN'T CONTACTED YOU. So just go away! Please go be happy with the new baby momma... I just want you outta my damn life! In the event of mental retardation on my part, anything we'd have to settle would be done by the DA's office and my lawyer, because I want no contact with him ever again. All visitation, child support, and anything else would be settled by the court in front of a judge, so how is he honestly thinking I'd have any impact on his new relationship?

I smell a cop out.

And more funny shit. My mom thinks he sabotauged me. Because like she said, the average nigga wouldn't tell me the condom broke, he'd throw that shit away and when I ended up pregnant his ass would be able to say it wasn't his until the DNA test proved otherwise. But this nigga not only told me (while I was intoxicated, of course), but called his homegirl... at 1 something in the morning... while I was in the bathroom trying to figure out if I'd actually had sex or not because the shit was so lame and I was so drunk... to tell this broad the condom broke. What kinda bitch shit is that? He's on the phone snitching to his homegirl and I'm not even out of the house? I mean, that had to have been minutes after the shit happened. It's like he wants me to be pregnant. There is no baby, fucko. Period. Even if I'm pregnant, there is no baby because I'm not having it. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks or says. This nigga is looking for an excuse to be a Drama Queen, and he ain't getting an excuse outta me.

I'll be damned.

This shit is like a fuckin soap opera. Niggas would kill to be in a situation where the girl doesn't give a damn, and doesn't want shit to do with them. This fool is crying like I'm 9 months and ready to drop any day. Ain't no damn baby, asshole! WTF is your problem? He's sitting in that raggedy apartment, dreaming all this elaborate shit up right outta Baby Daddy Hell Weekly Magazine, remembering all the horror stories he's heard from triflin niggas who loathe the responsibilities they brougt on themselves, praying to God it'll happen to him so he can further paint me to look like the bad chick and have even more excuses to be LAME AS FUCK. Nigga, you said you wanted time for YOURSELF, so I gave it to you! I don't give a damn if you replace me! PLEASE do! All the fuck you can do for me is be outta my life PERMANENTLY. I don't see why he won't just go die or something. Leave me the fuck alone.

This shit is TOO fuckin funny. Only me. I swear.