Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Dammit I need a break.

I can't take off work, and I'm so tired. This time change really fucked me over. I'm burnt. Thank God I don't have too much work on the plate today. Because I'm not sure I could take it.

Nigga drama is non-existent, and I ain't mad. I'm still in "i dont give a fuck" mode.

Wonder when I'll snap outta that. Doesn't appear to be happening any time soon. Oh well.

I brought M&Ms to work. I SO love M&Ms, I've loved them my whole life. What that has to do with anything, I don't know. Just felt relevant.

So I'm listening to Tweet and thinking about all the bullshit I've encountered. I'm not even mad. I'm just so glad I'm who I am. Because although the shit hurts temporarily, I get out quick. I mean, I leave niggas in weeks. It don't take a year to realize that what I smell is bullshit. I sense it quick. I realize that it's all in how long I feel like putting up with shit. Most niggas reveal themselves to me within days. Now whether I accept what I see as truth, or just opt to push it to the corner of my mind dictates how long shit goes down. But when I get tired enough, I'm ghost. And luckily that doesn't take too long.

I'm thinking of the ex. I know I'll always love his retarded ass. But I'm so gangsta, I have to stick to what I know to be true. I was talking to the lil Rican blog homie from the main about it, he's going through similar situations. I told him that above all the reality of the situation keeps me sane. I could delude myself for the rest of my life, try with the ex for the rest of my life. But if he don't change, shit can't change. Bottom line. I do miss him. But I don't want the bullshit he brought along for the ride. Its sad too. Because it had been so long since I felt genuinely happy. That asshole made me happy like no one else has.

And I miss that kinda happy.

Oh well, like I said, my peace and resolution is in the reality. Missing him is nothing as long as I remember why I am forced to miss him. Keeps me from making that dreadful U-Turn that the old M woulda made. I can't do that to myself. And I shall not. A punk bitch is a punk bitch. And no amount of love can change that. He made that painstakingly clear.

I don't even know what this entry is really about. I'm so tired my mind is wandering off left and right. I know I missed him when I started writing, but now I'm thinking of M&Ms.

Shit.

Guess I'd better go eat some then.