Ouch.

Okay, I'm beginning to hold a slight grudge against my cramps now.

I mean, it hurts. And for some reason, my legs hurt too. But not in the "crampy" way. In the "been fuckin a lot" way. And my arms hurt too. The way they would after gripping someone's shoulders and scratching up their back for an extended period of time... or like the residual pain from a serious body tensing, back spazming orgasm.

Now it ain't no secret, I haven't been fucked like that in an eternity. So I don't know what the hell is going on. I didn't have any nasty dreams or nothing. Just slept. And now, pain. Makes no sense. Maybe its because I'm supposed to be getting dick and I'm not. Yeah. That could be it. Although withdrawls have never manifested into post-sex muscle strain before. This is some new shit. And I don't like it.

Celibacy blows.

Every now and then I get real pissed about the fact that I'm forced to go without. Well, no one is forcing me, I'm forcing myself. That's the one thing I despise about growing up. I gained this sense of supreme responsibility and I can't shake it. This concept that I deserve better for myself. Which is nice and all, but honestly. I'm believing more and more that "better" doesn't exactly exist. So in essence, I may be doomed to be celibate for the rest of my damn life. Just me, and Honey Bear. What kinda life is that to lead? This shit blows.

I hate all my ex'es for throwing me into this boat. Not CA, though. I'm STILL in euphoric glee at the fact that he's ghost from my life. DAMN he was lame. Any man who has a 50% failure rate when it comes to fucking me is NO loss on my part. Please believe me. So his ass can catch the next train to get the fuck on, and I won't trip. I'll throw the damn bon voyage party. I guess I just miss real dick period. Because when I think about it, no one was exceptional except the most recent ex, and he's an asswipe. So yeah, since I don't miss any particular man, I guess I just miss dick.

And that isn't right.

Oh well, time to work.