Ditching life

So I've made the following decisions.

a) I'm not going to the Zeta thing tomorrow.
b) I'm not going to church either.
c) I'm going to the doctor Monday.

I cant stand feeling like this. I've been blank all week and now I feel afraid again. Afraid of nothing, which really blows. I can't explain what this feels like. I feel like I'm shaking inside, like I can't be still. I want to hide, literally. I wish I could get in my car, check into a hotel and stay. But I refuse to waste money like that on some bullshit.

I'm just not having a very good day.

On the surface it's cool. I got my hair done, came home and picked up my sister, we went to kick it for a few hours. Got some Quiznos and some drank, sat in the park and chopped it up a while. That part was good. So then I came home. Now it's not good.

Now I feel all strange and shit. I hate this.

I talked to my brother about the decision I made regarding the ex. He was very pleased. He told me some things that further validated that I made the right decision to ix-nay him outta my life for good. It hurts me that he was such an idiot. I'll always miss him.

Fuck I cant think straight. I'mma go lay down. This blows. God help me.