Of a sober mind...

Okay, so I feel a little better now.

I realized that the after effects of drinking fuckin suck. There is no reason in hell I'd have gotten wasted if I'd known I'd feel like this afterwards. I almost wish I would puke then maybe I'd feel all the way better. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.

So yeah, CA and I could be in a world of shit.

I'm doubting it though, because I remember something about the window of space where I can't get pregnant right after my period. And the shit barely stopped on Thursday. So I should be okay. At least I hope so.

I know I'm nowhere near ready to deal with anything like that with him... not yet. Although he seems to have it together, there's still the things about him that I'm not so sure about. And today when he told me the condom broke (man I was fucked up last night. He said he told me, but I damn sure didn't remember that conversation) he said it like it was nothing. And then, proceeded to tell me that he was going to play basketball. I'm sitting on the couch with what I now know was a hangover, just heard the worst news since mom's doctor said she had cancer, and this nigga wants to play basketball. So I'm like, okay fine. I somehow drag myself to the shower, take a shower, get dressed, go to the car. I feel sick, from the alcohol and then the magnitude of what I was just told. So I'm sitting in the car for 30 minutes trying to figure out how I'mma go home a) hungover, and b) with the knowledge that I now have to fear until I can get to the rite-aid and get a pregnancy test. FUCK fuckkity fuck fuck.

I mean, how did he say that shit with such ease?How is it that he didn't seem to be phased by it either way? The gravity of the statement "The condom broke" is enough to put me in the grave. Especially given the fact that certain things are making me unsure about him. But he said it, and then minutes later, while I'm still reeling, he's all good. I don't get it.

I know he cares about me and all that. It's possible that he doesn't see this as a problem. All I know is I was too fucked up this morning to hear that, let alone discuss it with a sound mind.

And now, I'm home. And I'm sober. And I'm thinking, and it ain't good when I think. Plus granny's here and shit, so I can't even go to sleep and cry in my bed. I need to cry or something.

My life fuckin blows right now.