I don't love him...
Shit, I'm trying not to.
But he is so wonderful it makes no sense. It's getting to the place where I don't want to dwell on it because I'm scared I'mma jinx it somehow. It is starting to not seem real to me. I've decided to fall back on how much I see him. Because talking to him is doing me in as it is. And no more fuckin either. I definitely can't keep doing that.
He asked me to come over last night, but I declined because I was so tired from work. These fuckers are working me to death over here. I missed him, but I have to keep myself in check. We really ain't been together no time, and I'm trippin. I need to remember who I am, what I've been through, and the fact that I don't want to go through it again. Now the issue is making him understand why I have to back up off him.
Thing is, I'm trying to be an actual Christian here. True, I'm probably the most cussin Christian ever, but I'm trying to hold down the rest of my walk with Jesus. I know cussin is a losing battle with me, I'll get over that when I get over that. I'm not concerned about that. But fornication is a no-no, and I've got caught slippin already. It is too hard to sit in church next to this man knowing I barely got off him a few hours before. And I don't plan to stop going to church with him, so I have to eliminate the guilt factor. Christian guilt is hardcore. It never goes away. I mean, that was last week and I still feel guilty even though I prayed about it. So since he's obviously chosen to be the weak link in the celibacy aspect of our relationship, I have to pick up the slack.
That's gonna be hard as fuck. I'd better re-stock my battery supply. Honey Bear II is gonna have a LOT of hard work ahead of him, because that nigga is too damn sexy for me. Sucks though, because I can't bring a damn vibrator to his house. If he sees it he might feel insecure or something, like he's not doing a good job. So that means I've gotta severly decrease the frequency of times I stay overnight.
This shit is too much work. Ugh. Sometimes I wish I was just a heathenous bitch. But oh well, I'm not.
Lemme go work now. Blah.
But he is so wonderful it makes no sense. It's getting to the place where I don't want to dwell on it because I'm scared I'mma jinx it somehow. It is starting to not seem real to me. I've decided to fall back on how much I see him. Because talking to him is doing me in as it is. And no more fuckin either. I definitely can't keep doing that.
He asked me to come over last night, but I declined because I was so tired from work. These fuckers are working me to death over here. I missed him, but I have to keep myself in check. We really ain't been together no time, and I'm trippin. I need to remember who I am, what I've been through, and the fact that I don't want to go through it again. Now the issue is making him understand why I have to back up off him.
Thing is, I'm trying to be an actual Christian here. True, I'm probably the most cussin Christian ever, but I'm trying to hold down the rest of my walk with Jesus. I know cussin is a losing battle with me, I'll get over that when I get over that. I'm not concerned about that. But fornication is a no-no, and I've got caught slippin already. It is too hard to sit in church next to this man knowing I barely got off him a few hours before. And I don't plan to stop going to church with him, so I have to eliminate the guilt factor. Christian guilt is hardcore. It never goes away. I mean, that was last week and I still feel guilty even though I prayed about it. So since he's obviously chosen to be the weak link in the celibacy aspect of our relationship, I have to pick up the slack.
That's gonna be hard as fuck. I'd better re-stock my battery supply. Honey Bear II is gonna have a LOT of hard work ahead of him, because that nigga is too damn sexy for me. Sucks though, because I can't bring a damn vibrator to his house. If he sees it he might feel insecure or something, like he's not doing a good job. So that means I've gotta severly decrease the frequency of times I stay overnight.
This shit is too much work. Ugh. Sometimes I wish I was just a heathenous bitch. But oh well, I'm not.
Lemme go work now. Blah.
posted by ~~~. at 3/01/2005 08:45:00 AM
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