I. Cant. Win.

Fuck me.

I guess I just need to stop talking to folks. Namely UC. Because we were having a perfectly harmless conversation and then I instantly think about fucking him.

That was SO wrong.

I mean, I had to just abruptly end the conversation because I felt guilty but turned on at the same damn time. I suck. Plain and simple, ain't no other way to say it. I should NOT be thinking of fuckin his little sexy ass when I've got that big sexy man that I can fuck whenever I want, 10 minutes away from me.

I know what did it though... it's the decision I just made to not fuck CA. Now if I'd just embrace my hellish horny nature and just plan to fuck the shit outta CA, I wouldn't give a flying hot damn about UC. But this is what happens when I try to do the right thing... the wrong shit pops up in my mind.

And now I feel guilty as fuck. At least before I was just mad at myself for liking someone I couldn't have and wouldn't take advantage of me if his life depended on it. But now, I've got someone. So I'm a mental infidel.

GOD I suck. Hella bad. I'mma go eat ice cream and call my man. Ugh.