Hot sauce on my burrito babay...

shol' is good to me.

Okay, I'm still in a good mood. Thus I'm convinced I'm bi-polar.

Anyway.

So I didn't have to slave until 8 pm tonight, I managed to get home at 5:30. Sad shit when 5:30 becomes "early". But such is my life.

I'm in my room. So is granny. I'm forcing her to listen to Andre 3000's Prototype. After the TBN onslaught last night, I don't even feel bad.

It is SO time for me to move. I can taste it.

Another way I know its time to move is because the ex has begun re-haunting me just that quick. I came home and his beautiful ass is outside working on his car all manly and shit. Looked up at me with them brown eyes and I damn near hit the ground. I'm not gonna do this to myself though. He is a spineless sucka, and I cannot be with a spineless sucka.

I can damn sure fuck one though.

But I'm not gonna go there. Wrong is wrong, and using him for sex is wrong. Sucks though, because although I'm considering using him for sex, I still have some feelings for ol boy. Not enough feelings to convince me to put up with his incessant bullshit, but enough to make me miss him. And miss him I do. I held a short conversation with him, we talked about his brother's kids, his job, my job, he asked me whats been up with my sorority. He never brought up CA, I guess because I chin checked his ass about that when he nutted up back in February. Truth was I missed him then too.

I was so happy to have CA. I thought he was the best prospect of a man I've had in 2 years. But he didn't have that flare like my ex. The ex could make me laugh just by doing this thing with his eyebrows. Sometimes he'd just look at me and I'd feel like my insides were on fire. There was not one time that I didn't want him, want to be around him, see him, or talk to him. He made me happy in many ways.

I will always wish he wasn't a punk. Honestly, I'm praying he gets his head outta his ass soon because I miss him. Everyone (except UC but ain't nobody trying to go there) I encounter is gonna fall short. No one's gonna make me cry from going down on me, or from beating it just right. No one is gonna make me laugh at the drop of a dime, or make me feel like the Queen of the Neighborhood by looking at me. Aint another man that will touch me like he did. No one knows me like he did. Shit, he grew up with me. Watching me. He was perfect for me...

Except he was a punk bitch. Now that ain't perfect.

Even in the face of UC, I still longed for my ex. I knew I couldn't have UC. But the ex was tangible. And I loved him. Fuckin CA, I'd begun to love him too. I'm glad I'm so evil, because I coulda really been hurt by his bitch ass. All I gotta do is buy the pregnancy test. I'm waiting until the end of the week, it'll be 2 whole weeks from the incident. I know I'm not pregnant, but just to be on the safe side I'd better check just in case I gotta do some emergency maneuvers to clean this shit up. So yeah. I ain't hurt over CA. I ain't sad, I ain't even really lonely.

Instead I just want my ex.

Oh well though. I ain't no sucka and some shit dont change. Like he told me, "I'll always have my memories". Ain't shit that can take that from me. And while I'm alone in bed, missing him, I'll remember all the things about him I love(d).

I'm going to bed.