Changes
Man. Freedom is strange.
I'm officially over my major malfunction regarding UC, and have been for some time. I'll admit, I've been neglecting him lately. I talked to him briefly this afternoon, and he said he didn't know what to talk to me about anymore. I guess when you come up missing for a few days that happens. Even though I was insanely crazy about him for months, I never infused too much of that into our conversations. I do miss talking to him every night though. But I get so caught up with CA I don't make it to the computer in time, if at all. He was giving me the breakdown on his latest drama, and all I could do was laugh. In January I'd have been ready to fly to the east coast and cut all them bitches where they stood... you know, eliminate ALL competition. But now, I just laugh.
That is so weird to me.
I'm glad it's happened, because now I can just be his friend. Now when I go out there in July I won't be concerned with making moves on him and embarassing the shit outta myself when he turns me down. Because since he considers me an actual friend, no sex could be had between us (according to him friends don't let friends fuck just because). So the strain I'd be putting myself under would be massive. I'd crack, I'm sure of it. Part of me is still VERY attracted to UC. But with the developments between CA and myself, I'm not willing to indulge that stupid sentimental part. I'm too crazy about my big man. Damn I miss him. I've been thinking about him all day. I will probably be worked to death again, so surely I won't make it over there tonight. Ugh. I'm gonna have to see him Wednesday. I don't like missing him if I don't have to. However, I will go home Wednesday night and save myself from further fornication. Because I have to be strong for both of us.
Get rid of one problem, and gain a few more... thats how it seems to go. But at least these problems I have now have a good pay off. I've got the best man in the world, and he actually feels that I'm wonderful too. And beautiful. And sexy, and smart. I can dig being dug like that.
Well work calls. I'm out.
I'm officially over my major malfunction regarding UC, and have been for some time. I'll admit, I've been neglecting him lately. I talked to him briefly this afternoon, and he said he didn't know what to talk to me about anymore. I guess when you come up missing for a few days that happens. Even though I was insanely crazy about him for months, I never infused too much of that into our conversations. I do miss talking to him every night though. But I get so caught up with CA I don't make it to the computer in time, if at all. He was giving me the breakdown on his latest drama, and all I could do was laugh. In January I'd have been ready to fly to the east coast and cut all them bitches where they stood... you know, eliminate ALL competition. But now, I just laugh.
That is so weird to me.
I'm glad it's happened, because now I can just be his friend. Now when I go out there in July I won't be concerned with making moves on him and embarassing the shit outta myself when he turns me down. Because since he considers me an actual friend, no sex could be had between us (according to him friends don't let friends fuck just because). So the strain I'd be putting myself under would be massive. I'd crack, I'm sure of it. Part of me is still VERY attracted to UC. But with the developments between CA and myself, I'm not willing to indulge that stupid sentimental part. I'm too crazy about my big man. Damn I miss him. I've been thinking about him all day. I will probably be worked to death again, so surely I won't make it over there tonight. Ugh. I'm gonna have to see him Wednesday. I don't like missing him if I don't have to. However, I will go home Wednesday night and save myself from further fornication. Because I have to be strong for both of us.
Get rid of one problem, and gain a few more... thats how it seems to go. But at least these problems I have now have a good pay off. I've got the best man in the world, and he actually feels that I'm wonderful too. And beautiful. And sexy, and smart. I can dig being dug like that.
Well work calls. I'm out.
posted by ~~~. at 3/01/2005 02:36:00 PM
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