No sleep and no dick

makes M. go crazy.

For real.

I was up too late last night. I'm sleepy as hell right now, and there's nothing I can really do about it. I don't need a little nap, I need to knock out. As a direct result, I don't feel like posting in the main blog this morning. I'm not too jovial at this minute. At least I don't have too much work.

I think I'mma break down and spend some more money on a new friend. One that has a little more resilience than the late Honey Bear. Because I'm not stooping low for the sake of dick, I've got to use the alternatives. I had a conversation with the ex last night (the most recent one, not the old old one that just crept back up out the crate) and it was funny. He was sitting on the hood of his car and I was sitting on the curb next to it. We'd been talking for a few minutes and out of nowhere he was like, "Dammit, I'm sick of jackin off. My hand fuckin sucks." I busted up laughing. I felt compelled to tell him that understood seeing as how I'd kilt a few of packs of C batteries, and broke my best toy. It was his turn to laugh. He asked me exactly how did it die, so I explained that first the fuck mechanism went into overdrive (because I guess I turned the speed up too high and it got stuck). Wasn't a problem, I went over the battery removal solution. Then I told him that a few nights ago when I was using it the shit just quit. Altogether. Like how a car dies... makes some weird noise and sighs its way to death. He fell out. He said he knew exactly why and I've gotta quote his ass here:

"Baby, it's because your pussy comes equipped with fuckin vacuum and kung-fu grip features. You choked the muthafucka to death."

I couldn't do shit but laugh. I remember him making comments like that before too. According to him, and he should know since he been in there, when I reach orgasm I tighten everything up from the inside out. And I mean everything. My legs especially. I damn near broke his neck like that, and didn't realize it until he bit my thigh so I'd let him go. Shit was funny. I still owe him a neck massage from the last time I did that to him. But anyway, supposedly the poor Honey Bear couldn't move under them conditions, so the motor just burnt the fuck out.

Greeeaaat. Just great.

So now I'm stuck with a broke ass vibrator, a severly escalated libido, and no "meaningful relationship". Yeah I put that shit in quotes, the longer I walk down this road the less convinced I am that the shit really exists. But yeah. That's what I've got. So now I've got to get me another Dick in the Box to take the place of the old one. Sunuvabitch. So back to the website I go. I think I'mma get a travel sized vibe too, without the wang attachment. There's one that looks like a butterfly and you can wear it with your panties. Shit comes with a wireless remote control. Now THAT's what the fuck I need in my life. Bring Your Orgasm to Work day has just been scheduled, bitch.

Ahh. No day would be complete without writing on the infamous UC. I didn't talk to him last night. I went online late from talking to the ex, and when I got there I went straight on blogger. I didn't feel like making conversation because I was overall in a negative mood, so you know how that goes. He's perpetually positive and I just wasn't feeling the love I guess. Sometimes I just have to sit and be disgruntled. Acting like everything is okay when it's not gets old after a while. Whomever I marry will understand that. However, he'll fuck the shit outta me too, so I won't be as disgruntled as often as I am now. Good and constant dick is the answer... I don't care what anyone says. I could have a shitty day at work, go home and shower, go next door, get dicked down, and it was like my whole day was roses and sunshine. But now? If I have a bad day? I go home. I shower. I sit, eat, and go to bed. No sunshine til the next day. That's pretty much where I am now. My days haven't been that good, and there's really nothing to make them good once I leave here. So oh well. Happiness Lite. That's where it's at. Who needs to be REALLY happy, when you can have Happiness Lite?

Damn I'm an asshole when I'm horny. Oh well. At least no one has to deal with my assholitude up close and personal. I'm safe in the lab, and everyone is safe outside of it. This is why I didn't post in the main... I've got the Asshole Curse today. I don't know how long it'll last either.

Oh well, lemme go look like I'm working.