My confused ass heart.

It's funny how fickle I am.

Now I don't need permission, validation, or anything else when it comes to dealing with C-A. But when UC told me that he was happy for me I just lit up. He told me that a few times. It is so nice that he really cares about me and wants me happy.

Although his opinion really has no effect on CA and I, I still value it, and I still wanted him to approve. Despite the fact that I initially wanted to be with him. Now I don't want to be with UC anymore. The crush has been lifted for the most part. I'm thinking that whatever attachment I have to him right now is mainly sentimental on my part. Or I'm just fucked up, as usual.

In any case, I don't give a shit.

The man I'm with now makes me happy. CA is a good man. Even with the small shit I've picked up on, I can see where he is willing to do what he has to, making sure I'm happy enough to stay with him. I'd be the dumbest bitch ever to shake on him based on the memory of some dude I can't have. I am so happy that he's turning out to be un-crazy. I actually miss him now, I spent some of today with him but I came home. I'm conscious of smothering people. Niggas act like they want the attention but then somewhere down the line they switch up. So I'm not even setting myself up for that. When he wants to see me, he calls me. And so far that's been damn near every day.

I can dig it.

Well lemme go eat, I'll probably go back over there tonight.