The happy bitch.
Well it's valentines day. And I have a valentine.
Since C-AIM is my valentine, I'm feeling kinda good. I'm super proud of myself for not judging him ultra harsh based on his inability to open his mouth. The date really turned out nice. I'm so glad I gave his beautiful ass a chance. I'm still smiling hard as hell when I think of him. Not just because he's all fuckable and sexy and I want to kiss him all over, but because of his mannerisms. He's all powerful and strong in a quiet way. I feel safe and happy already. I hope I'm not seeing shit that ain't there, but for right now I'm skipping the analysis that is so Typical Me, and I'mma just be happy.
UC tripped me out yesterday. I hadn't mentioned my date to him, but he read about it on the main. And the lil homie told him about it too. I was playing and I told him he had to be my bootleg valentine since I had a real valentine and he kept saying he was hurt because I kicked him to the grass (as opposed to the curb). At first I thought he was bullshitting, but he said it a gang of times. That's that confusing shit I'm talking about; you don't like me like that, so why trip? It's hard to tell if he's serious, or just being silly old UC. He says a gang of shit I gotta take at face value in regards to me. He's taken it upon himself to be nice to me at all times which includes unfounded compliments and other courtesies that I don't have the luxury of taking seriously. I know he's happy for me because he knows I've been disgruntled and unhappy for a while now. But I wonder did it bother him because I acknowledged the fact he's been displaced. I'm not saying he's jealous. He's way too mature for that. It ain't about that at all, he's got more than enough bitches. But I had a platonic homeboy before that was genuinely saddened by a new boyfriend. I think he felt like I wouldn't be his homie like before. I wonder if UC is feeling that a little. I hope he's just being silly. Because I don't want him to feel sad like my other homie did. That nigga quit speaking to me for a long time because he felt like I'd moved him outta the way. Which wasn't the case, but some folks like to stay #1 no matter what.
I was kinda bothered by that because I actually started thinking I'd hurt his feelings. I double checked with the lil homie and was informed that he'd made a comment on my valentine remark. So I'm thinking that perhaps he really wasn't too thrilled about it since he had to speak on it to the mutual friend. So I still feel a little bad now. Only thing is, I don't apologize when I haven't done anything. And from where I stand, I didn't do anything. Besides, he really shouldn't be hurt because I've told him how I felt about him and he did nothing. The lil homie had to remind me of that fact, because I'd forgotten. I just hate folks being sad even for a minute because of something I said. Even if he was sad for only 2 little seconds, and he got over it damn near instantly, I hate the fact that it was because of me.
Oh well though.
Truth is he's got heffas who are all in the same position I am, just kickin it, hanging around like the homie, but liking him in secret. Keeping it cool on the surface but really thinking super hard about him, caring about him in ways that we're not allowed to. That shit gets old. And I never wanted to be added to his Platonic Pirhana Tank in the first place. Scheming heffas... platonic my ass. They've all got their bids in... proven by the drama that follows over him when they're all together. Blah. Not the kid. I can't live like that.
So I'm gonna just focus on C-AIM. I'm sure UC has plenty of back-up heffas in case members of his adoring harem-slash-fan club fall off. He'll be more than okay. I gotta worry about my damn self.
Since C-AIM is my valentine, I'm feeling kinda good. I'm super proud of myself for not judging him ultra harsh based on his inability to open his mouth. The date really turned out nice. I'm so glad I gave his beautiful ass a chance. I'm still smiling hard as hell when I think of him. Not just because he's all fuckable and sexy and I want to kiss him all over, but because of his mannerisms. He's all powerful and strong in a quiet way. I feel safe and happy already. I hope I'm not seeing shit that ain't there, but for right now I'm skipping the analysis that is so Typical Me, and I'mma just be happy.
UC tripped me out yesterday. I hadn't mentioned my date to him, but he read about it on the main. And the lil homie told him about it too. I was playing and I told him he had to be my bootleg valentine since I had a real valentine and he kept saying he was hurt because I kicked him to the grass (as opposed to the curb). At first I thought he was bullshitting, but he said it a gang of times. That's that confusing shit I'm talking about; you don't like me like that, so why trip? It's hard to tell if he's serious, or just being silly old UC. He says a gang of shit I gotta take at face value in regards to me. He's taken it upon himself to be nice to me at all times which includes unfounded compliments and other courtesies that I don't have the luxury of taking seriously. I know he's happy for me because he knows I've been disgruntled and unhappy for a while now. But I wonder did it bother him because I acknowledged the fact he's been displaced. I'm not saying he's jealous. He's way too mature for that. It ain't about that at all, he's got more than enough bitches. But I had a platonic homeboy before that was genuinely saddened by a new boyfriend. I think he felt like I wouldn't be his homie like before. I wonder if UC is feeling that a little. I hope he's just being silly. Because I don't want him to feel sad like my other homie did. That nigga quit speaking to me for a long time because he felt like I'd moved him outta the way. Which wasn't the case, but some folks like to stay #1 no matter what.
I was kinda bothered by that because I actually started thinking I'd hurt his feelings. I double checked with the lil homie and was informed that he'd made a comment on my valentine remark. So I'm thinking that perhaps he really wasn't too thrilled about it since he had to speak on it to the mutual friend. So I still feel a little bad now. Only thing is, I don't apologize when I haven't done anything. And from where I stand, I didn't do anything. Besides, he really shouldn't be hurt because I've told him how I felt about him and he did nothing. The lil homie had to remind me of that fact, because I'd forgotten. I just hate folks being sad even for a minute because of something I said. Even if he was sad for only 2 little seconds, and he got over it damn near instantly, I hate the fact that it was because of me.
Oh well though.
Truth is he's got heffas who are all in the same position I am, just kickin it, hanging around like the homie, but liking him in secret. Keeping it cool on the surface but really thinking super hard about him, caring about him in ways that we're not allowed to. That shit gets old. And I never wanted to be added to his Platonic Pirhana Tank in the first place. Scheming heffas... platonic my ass. They've all got their bids in... proven by the drama that follows over him when they're all together. Blah. Not the kid. I can't live like that.
So I'm gonna just focus on C-AIM. I'm sure UC has plenty of back-up heffas in case members of his adoring harem-slash-fan club fall off. He'll be more than okay. I gotta worry about my damn self.
posted by ~~~. at 2/14/2005 11:44:00 AM
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