Ain't so bad.

I'm stuffed outta my mind. I've been talking on AIM to this decent guy, I ain't mad at him. He was really nice. I may decide to meet him if he remains cool. I didn't drop my number yet, and I probably wont for weeks. I've got a bad habit of trusting niggas to early in the game.

I'm holding it down against the pull of Un-Crush.

Of course it's only because he ain't around... the real test will be Monday. But I only thought of him once today which is monumental for me seeing as how he's managed to be on my mind most of the day. But I feel strong right now, so I'mma relish this feeling.

I also avoided the fuckmagnet known as old old ex. He called me but I ignored it. Besides, I was in Norms eating with my sister. And I was grubbin hardcore. I wasn't the slightest bit interested in leaving my fettucine. It's funny, I had his dick for years, and it's easier to dismiss him than it is to dismiss the man I have no ties to or claim on. UC asked me if I ever wondered why people come into my life. I told him I figured he was there because God knew I'd need a good friend to keep me from hating men altogether. But I wonder was that it. He's become such a major part of my life and he really isn't even aware of how severe it is. He just sees himself as good old UC, nothing special. But he's so special to so many people. I wonder why he figures I'm in his life. He asked me, but he didn't give me his opinion. Sometimes I wonder what (if anything) he thinks of when it comes to me. I wonder does he think I'm crazy, or "just the homie from over there". I can't lie, I wish I knew. But I do know he doesn't take me as serious as I take him, which is all gravy.

This is hard as hell. But I'm gonna keep trying. There's a train in the tunnel and I'm standing on the tracks. I need to get the fuck outta the way.