Workers Block.

Dammit, I can't work.

I've already updated the main blog once. I've switched CD's about 5 times. Right now I've got the ghetto poster girl Teedra Moses in. She'll work for now.

Tired, says I.

I'm still holding down the solo quest, but it's more difficult today. I fuckin hate how easily manipulated I am. Phone calls can really do me in. I need to make a resolution not to check voicemails. I admit that's where the most damage is done... via my voicemail. On the voicemail niggas can sound remorseful. They can disguise the assholitivity that is inherent to their beings. They can make me miss them with the voicemail.

Maybe its a curse. That's it, I'm cursed. Musta been the Be.lizian that did it.

I want to be happy on my own, not because someone is making me happy. I don't even remember how to do that. Problem is, my happiness usually involves me making someone else happy. As mean and grumpy as I am, I'm much happier when I can spoil someone. Constantly do shit for them. All that mess that would make me a sucka by definition.

It does no good to even think on it, because this happiness is elusive to me. It ain't meant for me to have that kinda complete happiness. I get the marginal shit. I can only be "so" happy. Limited happy... or Diet Happiness. Yeah that's what it is... "happiness lite".

Ugh.

Oh well. That damn "Take Me" song is on now. I need to go past that shit, but I never can. I have to usually listen to it twice. Then I'll be ready to cry. So I'll listen to it two more times, and then, once I'm sniffling and shit, I should be able to hit the "next" button. That song makes me think of UC, and it ain't even one of his personal songs. I know the songs he likes a lot, I don't listen to them for that purpose.

Hmm. This blows. I'mma try to go work now.