R.I.P. Honey Bear

Honey Bear: 1-something-2005 to 1-30-2005

I broke it. I don't believe this. It's really broken.

Now at first the fuck control was broken and it wouldn't stop. I had to take out the batteries to make it stop. I didn't have a problem with that. But last night it just quit. I mean, it wouldn't move at all. The vibe control works still, but now the one thing that made Honey Bear divine has ceased all functionability.

My feelings are hurt.

I just bought the damn thing! And I broke it already. Wow. And I thought those things were supposed to hold up under constant usage. I guess not. I want my damn money back. This really sucks. The jelly one ain't that good. I've already outlined why. And now I'm stuck with it. That is way too sad. I guess I should toss ol' Honey Bear and buy a new one. Fuck. I don't want to spend anymore money. This makes me miss real dick.

This is the second time he called me today. He's making me crazy. Both times he tries to sound like he's changed, like he cares. I know the real deal. He just wants some ass.

I can't blame him, the drought is harsh on a sista. But I have to stick to my guns. He's the one who decided that what the neighborhood said was more important than being my man. So if that's the case then he can just go let one of his homeboys hold his dick. I refuse to go start all over again with him. I tried twice, and I got nothing but pain and disappointment. I tried to believe that things could work between us, and they simply cannot. Too much would have to change and he isn't willing.

I used to love the way he'd smile at me though. When we talked I could hear him smiling. He's one of those men who don't smile much, so knowing I could make him smile meant a lot to me. Sometimes I'd catch him looking at me and he'd have this little smile on his face. I'd ask him what he was looking at, and he'd just smile. He'd usually kiss my hand or hug me when I'd ask him that. I miss it.

But I don't miss the bullshit. Bottom line.

So far I'm doing okay in regards to the infamous UC. I'm not trippin today, I'm pretty calm. Probably because I haven't talked to him yet. But I'm determined to maintain control here and work my solo mission. I shall not punk out and be all crazy over this unavailable negro. I held it down for a while, I can do it again.... damn. He must be clairvoiyant. The second I typed this he sent me an IM. He's scary. But in a good way. Lemme go talk to him. He takes a lot of concentration. I'm out.