Damn.

Man. I was all set to type out this post and then Donnie McClurkin's "Stand" came on the radio. I had to have a moment of silence. Choked me up something too fierce. That was the song that was played during the procession at my aunt's funeral. It was supposed to be all triumphant and shit, but it didn't work that way for me. I hadn't shed one tear until that song came on during the funeral. Shit stopped me cold.

I miss my aunt. Rest with God, auntie.

Anyway.

I've decided that although my new independence is the shit, I have to ease up on it. I'm actually starting to not care about real men anymore, and that's not good. I mean, is that what happens before broads turn gay? I ain't tryin to swing that way, not at all. So I'm gonna re-convince myself that real dick is where it's at, and battery powered dick is not the end-all-be-all of life. It's bad though, I can really see where I'm gonna be dissappointed whenever I do start back to fuckin (hopefully upon marriage, but who the hell am I kidding). It's gotten to the place where I can even see where the ex, as superb as his dick was, coulda been doing a little bit more. I've become greedy. Instead of one orgasm, I want four. I want to twitch and shake so hard I sprain something in my back. I'm spoiling myself too much, and this could be a bad thing.

So now I've put the Honey Bear far under my bed. I kept the jelly in reach, but it ain't the shit like the Bear. So I'm less inclined to waste time with it. The tickler on that one isn't as good... it only has two speeds. I like variety, so thats one way it's lame. But nothing is lame about the Bear, so thats why I put it away first. I already miss it too, lol.

Thing is, excess of anything makes it lame. Eventually I'll get bored with the Honey Bear, and I'll be buying even more advanced (and more expensive) friends. I don't wanna make myself broke buying these things or batteries for them.

I was thinking, if the man I get ain't a selfish or jealous bastard, maybe he'd let me work those into our routine. Shit, it damn sure couldn't hurt anything. I'd probably be more willing to do certain things for him. Matter of fact, there's no probably to it. Well, hold up. I ain't swallowin for nobody, even if he lets me use all the vibrators in the world. So scratch that... back to probably. Anyway, I'd be eternally in his debt if he allowed that kinda play. Shit, I'd have everything I could possibly want all at once. I'd be the nicest bitch alive. If only I could be so lucky. Shit at this point I'd be lucky to find a man who believes in love before fuckin. I guess I'd better not ask for too much before I even get the main thing.

Well UC is here. So I shall talk to him for a while, and if he doesn't say anything spectacular, I'm taking my ass to bed afterwards. I am pretty damn tired for some reason. Could be all the energy I've expounded elsewhere, but I'mma leave that alone.