When the daydreams are just as lethal.
I spend too much time talking to him, I realize this now. But its too late.
I've begun to talk to him at work. I used to just hit up my fam and some other homegirls during work hours. I kept him relegated to late evenings after I got home. But he's worked his way into my mornings as well.
My mind is a hot mess. He's all in it. I wonder how he's doing, what he's wearing. If he's cold. If he's gonna eat dinner.
I totally lost sight of why I can't allow this to happen. I know why I can't. I see the reasons, they didn't go anywhere. Even in the face of the fact that he's got all them leacherous, pirhana ass homegirls, I still drift on this little fantasy cloud. I can't seem to reach the edge of it. I'm trying to find somewhere to jump off back into reality, but the cloud goes on and on, winding away into the night. I remember he told me how he lied to his "friends" because it cut down drama and he admittedly wasn't willing to give them heffas up. I remember how that bothered me immensely, and how I decided that I couldn't even consider dealing with a man who not only had too many friends, but had to lie to keep them heffas calm so he could continue to kick it among his harem when he pleased.
What the hell happened to my logic?
It still doesn't make any sense. He's still got all the heffas. I'm sure he still lies when convenient. Only difference is now I'm just swimming in the tank with these bitches. Thats the only difference. I've put a bridge over the huge hole I dug between him and my heart last month. I'm a damn idiot. I need to blow up the bridge, but first I've got to remember where I put the damn c4.
He makes me want to do everything for him. He's completely self sufficient, and in no way in need of my help, but I'll be damned if I dont want to buy him stuff and learn to cook so he could quit eating like a damn college freshman with no financial aid. I want to see him smile all the time. Like so many of those other bitches, I'm sure.
Ugh. I need help.
I've begun to talk to him at work. I used to just hit up my fam and some other homegirls during work hours. I kept him relegated to late evenings after I got home. But he's worked his way into my mornings as well.
My mind is a hot mess. He's all in it. I wonder how he's doing, what he's wearing. If he's cold. If he's gonna eat dinner.
I totally lost sight of why I can't allow this to happen. I know why I can't. I see the reasons, they didn't go anywhere. Even in the face of the fact that he's got all them leacherous, pirhana ass homegirls, I still drift on this little fantasy cloud. I can't seem to reach the edge of it. I'm trying to find somewhere to jump off back into reality, but the cloud goes on and on, winding away into the night. I remember he told me how he lied to his "friends" because it cut down drama and he admittedly wasn't willing to give them heffas up. I remember how that bothered me immensely, and how I decided that I couldn't even consider dealing with a man who not only had too many friends, but had to lie to keep them heffas calm so he could continue to kick it among his harem when he pleased.
What the hell happened to my logic?
It still doesn't make any sense. He's still got all the heffas. I'm sure he still lies when convenient. Only difference is now I'm just swimming in the tank with these bitches. Thats the only difference. I've put a bridge over the huge hole I dug between him and my heart last month. I'm a damn idiot. I need to blow up the bridge, but first I've got to remember where I put the damn c4.
He makes me want to do everything for him. He's completely self sufficient, and in no way in need of my help, but I'll be damned if I dont want to buy him stuff and learn to cook so he could quit eating like a damn college freshman with no financial aid. I want to see him smile all the time. Like so many of those other bitches, I'm sure.
Ugh. I need help.
posted by ~~~. at 12/07/2004 12:09:00 PM
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