Sucky night
I am only SO damn bored right now.
He's not online. I'm not trippin because I talked to him earlier on the phone so it's all good. I didn't see the ex when I came in so I didn't have to contend with that either. Now my only problem is I'm bored.
Mom used to make us clean up when we were bored. Too bad I'm grown and lazy as shit, because I'm sure there is something around here that needs cleaning.
I think what super sucks is the fact that New Years is creeping up and I really don't have much to do. Or more accurately, I have no one to spend it with. Of course I have something to do: there's the NYE watch service at church. I've done that every year since 2000. I'm not about to break tradition, although I'm not feeling it right now. It's not that I'm ungrateful to the Lord for sparing my life (it'll be 6 years since the shotgun accident on the 4th, I call it my other birthday), but for once I just want to go somewhere and act a fool, get drunk, party, all the shit my contemporary counterparts participate in. The stuff that sounds like so much fun. The kinda fun I never get to have, for whatever reason. And I want someone there with me who will crawl his drunk ass into bed with me and screw me into the new year.
I sound like such a heathen.
Aside from my seemingly constant sexual indiscretions, I'm a pretty good girl. I really don't do much that could be viewed as "bad". I like that about myself... most of the time. But when the urge strikes to party, I hate it about myself. And I hate it that on every single holiday I'm alone. That shit sucks a million dicks.
My new years resolution was not to make any stupid resolutions since I never follow through. But I'm gonna make some anyways. I'm gonna find me a man who loves me this year. And I'm not spending another holiday alone after this one. Oh yeah, and I'm not gonna be addicted to orgasms. No matter what my mind is telling me to do. Lemme go eat ice cream.
He's not online. I'm not trippin because I talked to him earlier on the phone so it's all good. I didn't see the ex when I came in so I didn't have to contend with that either. Now my only problem is I'm bored.
Mom used to make us clean up when we were bored. Too bad I'm grown and lazy as shit, because I'm sure there is something around here that needs cleaning.
I think what super sucks is the fact that New Years is creeping up and I really don't have much to do. Or more accurately, I have no one to spend it with. Of course I have something to do: there's the NYE watch service at church. I've done that every year since 2000. I'm not about to break tradition, although I'm not feeling it right now. It's not that I'm ungrateful to the Lord for sparing my life (it'll be 6 years since the shotgun accident on the 4th, I call it my other birthday), but for once I just want to go somewhere and act a fool, get drunk, party, all the shit my contemporary counterparts participate in. The stuff that sounds like so much fun. The kinda fun I never get to have, for whatever reason. And I want someone there with me who will crawl his drunk ass into bed with me and screw me into the new year.
I sound like such a heathen.
Aside from my seemingly constant sexual indiscretions, I'm a pretty good girl. I really don't do much that could be viewed as "bad". I like that about myself... most of the time. But when the urge strikes to party, I hate it about myself. And I hate it that on every single holiday I'm alone. That shit sucks a million dicks.
My new years resolution was not to make any stupid resolutions since I never follow through. But I'm gonna make some anyways. I'm gonna find me a man who loves me this year. And I'm not spending another holiday alone after this one. Oh yeah, and I'm not gonna be addicted to orgasms. No matter what my mind is telling me to do. Lemme go eat ice cream.
posted by ~~~. at 12/29/2004 08:24:00 PM
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