Something was different.
I cant call it, but something was different about him tonight.
We had our usual AIM conversation, but he seemed strange. But then he was preoccupied with all his emails.
He's a thought provoking person though. Even when I'm trying to vege out, be bitter, or not give 4 shits from a damn, he always makes me contemplate my viewpoint and the whole picture as opposed to my own narrow frame.
This time the issue was the fact that I've resolved to give up on my date search. Like I said, the shit ain't me. I shared with him the fact that it made me resent the ex because he left me in this situation with his incessant bullshit. He brought up the fact that maybe he had to get out the way for someone better. Then he proceeded to ask me if I'd been interested in anyone since I quit the ex.
Why oh why did he ask me that shit.
I handled it well though. I just said that I'd been interested in someone but the situation prevented me from pursuing it. Now if thats not some non-commital, diplomatic shit then I dont know what is. He's got a bad habit of making me tell the unbridled truth, but I held it down this time. I didn't need to remind him that HE was, in fact, the interest that I spoke of, and wasn't allowed to take seriously. If he's forgotten, then he don't need to be reminded. And I need to keep that shit buried right here in this blog, and let it stay here (since he don't come thru here... thanks S.itemeter, LOL). Its kinda sad, because I see where he and I could care about one another. But I have to remember all the reasons it can never go down, and I'mma keep that shit in the front of my mind. Because ultimately, that is reality. And I cannot escape reality. I'm not a "cali 9"... I'm more like a 6.5 to 8 on a good day. I'm not ultra talkative, I'm a shy hermit chick. I've already spoken on all these points previously, no need to revisit them. They still stand.
I cant help wishing things were just a little different. That I was a "Cali 9" along the lines of Chris.tina Mil.ian, that I was super duper smart and un-boring. Alas, I'm not. So oh well.
Reality sucks, so fuck it. I'm going back to my imaginary beach resort. Its nicer there, and it's warm.
We had our usual AIM conversation, but he seemed strange. But then he was preoccupied with all his emails.
He's a thought provoking person though. Even when I'm trying to vege out, be bitter, or not give 4 shits from a damn, he always makes me contemplate my viewpoint and the whole picture as opposed to my own narrow frame.
This time the issue was the fact that I've resolved to give up on my date search. Like I said, the shit ain't me. I shared with him the fact that it made me resent the ex because he left me in this situation with his incessant bullshit. He brought up the fact that maybe he had to get out the way for someone better. Then he proceeded to ask me if I'd been interested in anyone since I quit the ex.
Why oh why did he ask me that shit.
I handled it well though. I just said that I'd been interested in someone but the situation prevented me from pursuing it. Now if thats not some non-commital, diplomatic shit then I dont know what is. He's got a bad habit of making me tell the unbridled truth, but I held it down this time. I didn't need to remind him that HE was, in fact, the interest that I spoke of, and wasn't allowed to take seriously. If he's forgotten, then he don't need to be reminded. And I need to keep that shit buried right here in this blog, and let it stay here (since he don't come thru here... thanks S.itemeter, LOL). Its kinda sad, because I see where he and I could care about one another. But I have to remember all the reasons it can never go down, and I'mma keep that shit in the front of my mind. Because ultimately, that is reality. And I cannot escape reality. I'm not a "cali 9"... I'm more like a 6.5 to 8 on a good day. I'm not ultra talkative, I'm a shy hermit chick. I've already spoken on all these points previously, no need to revisit them. They still stand.
I cant help wishing things were just a little different. That I was a "Cali 9" along the lines of Chris.tina Mil.ian, that I was super duper smart and un-boring. Alas, I'm not. So oh well.
Reality sucks, so fuck it. I'm going back to my imaginary beach resort. Its nicer there, and it's warm.
posted by ~~~. at 12/01/2004 06:59:00 PM
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