Retarded much?

Damn I'm such a nut sometimes.

I thought I'd signed off of my main screenname and switched to my sister's, thus escaping the supreme sexiness of Un-Crush.

Not so.

I'm sitting here, thinking I'm safe, and what pops up but an IM from Mr. Un-Crush. I'm like, "now I know I didn't give him this screen name". Then something said click on the welcome menu. And what the fuck did I see but my primary screen name. So rather than clicking on her screen name, I clicked on mine again. AOL went through the switch procedure and everything... just logged me back into the primary account.

I'm dense as hell, I know.

So I still had a conversation with him. I didn't succeed in not talking to him tonight, which means he and his lips are still frontrunners in my dumb ass mind, so I probably wont succeed in not dreaming of him, since I ultimately didn't succeed in forgetting what he looked like either.

Something's telling me to delete the pictures, but I'm nowhere near that strong yet. Shit, it's all I can do to stop from asking for his number. Supposedly he's got this deep voice with an accent. It would be all over if I heard him speak. Yet I feel my insanity growing, because I know eventually I'mma crack and ask to hear his voice. Ahhh shit.

I do know one thing, I'm getting back on the wagon. I'm gonna start chanting my old mantra I made up all over again. I'm gonna try not to go on AIM at work. I'm not gonna talk to him three times a day unless I'm feeling strong enough. I'm gonna try to limit it back to once, like before. Because I can't beat this if I'm constantly running to him like an idiot. I don't want to be just another chick jockin the shit outta him. He has enough heffas in his fan club, whether he's in denial about it or not.

It's disturbing me to watch myself morph into some drooling dick fiend that goes into hyper mode as soon as his name and buddy icon pops up. I WILL overcome and be victorious. The Un-Crush ain't gonna get me again, no siree bob.

*chanting*: You are NOT special. You are just ONE in his circle of pirhanas. YOU are NOT the chick for him. You are a PLATONIC PIRHANA.

This shit'd better work.