Okay, dammit.

So I ain't over him during the day either.

Big whoop-di-do.

I was thinking... what if he's being cool on the pirhanas because he knows I don't like that shit? What if he quit obliging the dick-fiend chick because he likes me kinda? That would be some shit. I don't know what made me think of that. I wish I hadn't even thought of it. One of them stupid mind glitches like on the Matrix. But a bitch can dream, right?

I realized some other bullshit too.

I'm not fuckin because I like him.

Dumb shit.

But its true. I don't have to be celibate. I have my resources, and the ex still wants to be with me. I'm sure he'd fuck me at the drop of a dime, regardless if I commit to him or not. Shit, I'd done that when I broke up with him the first time. I've tried to maintain celibacy for my religious reasons... and failed miserably. So since it is a true fact that I don't have to be on this dick-drought, and I'm not holding out for Jesus, what am I holding out for?

Him.

I am so disgusted with myself. Now this has gone too far. I'm depriving myself of dick to the point where I'm becoming delusional and insane. For 2 months I've been dickless. I'm over the ex, although I could use him whenever I want. And yet, I stay dickless because of the un-crush. What damn sense does that make? None at all.

Oh yeah. Feel the self-loathing taking effect.

Fuck it, I'm going back to work.