Location determined

I found some happiness this evening.

I rescued Prince's very first album from the crate, and I've been having a lovely time with him. I remember I used to listen to this CD when I had my Hyundai Excel in college. Prince was a multi-purpose musician. I could listen to his music no matter what my mood was. The same song could fit a happy moment as well as a panic attack moment. During the fall I'd have those fits where I couldn't force myself to get out of the car. And I'd listen to Prince's "So Blue". It was usually raining those days, I'd turn on the heater in the car, lean the seat all the way back into the back seat, snatch my blanket from the back seat and knock out. Unfortunately for my math grade, I spent a lot of classes in the front passenger seat of that car, pretending not to have a care in the world. I had a calm inconspicuous spot in the back of the parking lot where no one else wanted to park. I'd be under my tree, safe in my car. Yeah, Prince was my friend, that was for damn sure. It's funny that it made me feel so happy when I found it, seeing as how I used it in a very tumultous time in my life. Right now, there's no problems. I'm just chillin.

Surprisingly the un-crush ain't even a problem today. I didn't talk to him much at all. I missed him, but I'm not all falling out dying about it. I sent him an IM this morning to check and see how his job was treating him, and I got a good report. So I bid him adieu and got back to work. He's not online right now, but I'm not going to get all hyped about that, because knowing him that fact is liable to change at any given moment.

I am so thankful that in spite of all my crackish weird feelings, I'm able to hold it down on the surface. For the most part I can keep the mask on until I get home. I won't say that everything is going super great, but considering how my days have been going, today coulda been a lot worse. I've got the gift exchange tomorrow. Which means my lunch is going to be lame because I have to eat it with the co-workers. Such is my life. Tomorrow I'll probably be all bent outta shape over him again, but that is to be expected.

I stay dreaming about him.

Its my mind's way of bitch slapping me, I'm sure of it. He's always so kind and gentle (I hate using that word... sounds so gay and cliche when I apply it to MY situations) in the dreams. He always tells me how pretty I am. Usually I'm hugging him and I can feel the vibrations of his voice through my body. It's getting to the place where the dreams aren't completely sexual anymore. Thats slightly bad, because its much easier to dismiss lust. But I see him doing normal every day stuff. Like shaving. Putting on his clothes to go to work. Pouring juice in a glass. Weird shit that ain't sexy at all. Washing dishes, taking out trash, cooking some kinda rice a roni. Just strange. And then of course I have sex with him.

Well I'm going to go finish off this Mou.ntain D.ew.