Illusion shattered.
Okay, never mind that it's already after 12 midnight on Christmas day, and I've just returned from the asylum that is Super K-Mart on Christmas Eve. I really need to get this out.
Un-Crush and I will never be anything more than friends. And I know, I've said that before. But I hella mean it this time.
I've talked to him twice on the phone, and for some reason it's not quite clicking the way it does over AIM. I don't know whether I can't dig his voice, or how fast he talks, or what. He's definitely an acquired taste. It would take me being submerged in his presence for a couple of weeks for me to really get the hang of him. I just can't call it.
I think I know what it is... his unsettled nature comes across more via telephone. He literally sounds like it would hurt him to be still. He sounds like he has to be moving at all times, doing something at all times. Like he'd never be happy just sitting down somewhere quiet. I am the exact opposite.
The first conversation was cool, I'd sent him a TM telling him that I'd thought of him. I didn't want to call because I thought he might have been out with his family or something. He wasn't, he was just leaving the bar. So he called me while he was on his way to a store. He seemed hella cool, like someone you could kick it with, almost like a brother or a cousin. When he got home he told me he'd call me back, but of course being ultra medicated from my toothache, my dumb ass falls asleep at like 10. Who calls me at 10:30 but him. He left a rushed voicemail typical of someone whose thoughts move a mile a second. I call him today, once again he was going to Wa.lgr.eens to pick something up. We talked for a while and then he made it to his house, so we said our goodbyes and hung up.
Nothing to crucial, right? Of course not. But I cannot see being with someone who is so... I dont know how to describe it. Scattered isn't accurate, but it's the only word I can come up with right now. He just seems like it would take too damn much to keep things going with him. He needs to be entertained or something... he's got this hyper energy that exudes from him like the Glow. I can't fuck with that. I'm not hyper. Like I said before, I'm settled. Ol boy is definitely un-settled.
So now that my illusion has imploded right in my face, I guess that NOW I can go on with my life. Because we seem to be a serious mis-match based on two conversations that were perfectly fine on the surface. But thats on the surface. And I see deeper than that.
Well lemme get my over-analysing ass to bed.
Un-Crush and I will never be anything more than friends. And I know, I've said that before. But I hella mean it this time.
I've talked to him twice on the phone, and for some reason it's not quite clicking the way it does over AIM. I don't know whether I can't dig his voice, or how fast he talks, or what. He's definitely an acquired taste. It would take me being submerged in his presence for a couple of weeks for me to really get the hang of him. I just can't call it.
I think I know what it is... his unsettled nature comes across more via telephone. He literally sounds like it would hurt him to be still. He sounds like he has to be moving at all times, doing something at all times. Like he'd never be happy just sitting down somewhere quiet. I am the exact opposite.
The first conversation was cool, I'd sent him a TM telling him that I'd thought of him. I didn't want to call because I thought he might have been out with his family or something. He wasn't, he was just leaving the bar. So he called me while he was on his way to a store. He seemed hella cool, like someone you could kick it with, almost like a brother or a cousin. When he got home he told me he'd call me back, but of course being ultra medicated from my toothache, my dumb ass falls asleep at like 10. Who calls me at 10:30 but him. He left a rushed voicemail typical of someone whose thoughts move a mile a second. I call him today, once again he was going to Wa.lgr.eens to pick something up. We talked for a while and then he made it to his house, so we said our goodbyes and hung up.
Nothing to crucial, right? Of course not. But I cannot see being with someone who is so... I dont know how to describe it. Scattered isn't accurate, but it's the only word I can come up with right now. He just seems like it would take too damn much to keep things going with him. He needs to be entertained or something... he's got this hyper energy that exudes from him like the Glow. I can't fuck with that. I'm not hyper. Like I said before, I'm settled. Ol boy is definitely un-settled.
So now that my illusion has imploded right in my face, I guess that NOW I can go on with my life. Because we seem to be a serious mis-match based on two conversations that were perfectly fine on the surface. But thats on the surface. And I see deeper than that.
Well lemme get my over-analysing ass to bed.
posted by ~~~. at 12/25/2004 01:22:00 AM
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