Fucked up, over, and the right way

Well as to be expected I was right on the money. But then I knew I was doomed last night anyways, so that's nothing out of the ordinary. That dream was off the hook. So of course I was mad at myself this morning, even though I saw it coming from a mile away. I wish I could do him just to get it outta my system, but I know better than that. He ain't touchin me outside of a hug, and that's a hot ass 7 months away. Especially since he said he ain't stingy when it comes to oral... fuck. I might not be able to kick it at all. It's been too long, and at the rate I'm going I'll be at full nympho status by the time I make it to the east. I've already deprived myself for about 2 months. I'm certain by July, if I haven't broken down by then, I'll be at the snapping point. And he is a gigalo of sorts. He's got heffas that use him for dick. I remember when I was one of those sinning heathen chicks... good times. Damn this triflin ass decency I'm trying to have. Shit.

I'm going to the party alone.

I can't go with this asshole. And it's a damn shame, because I hate going to things alone. But I'll be damned if I have to sit through him trying to fuck, getting an attitude because I say no, and then immediately going into pitiful sad mode. I can have a shitty night all on my own. So this morning I'mma call him and let him know there's been a change of plans and it's all his damn fault. I don't care if he did just buy a new shirt, that shit ain't my problem. He has become my problem and now it's up to me to fix this shit. So I'm fucked where the party is concerned.

I've resolved to only kick it a little bit at the sorority party tonight. I'm so damn mad at life I don't wanna be bothered at all. Not to mention my hair appointment ain't until tomorrow morning, so I'mma have to hear that heffa ass evil soror talking about how I'm not representing right with this scarf. I swear, that bitch lives in the damn scorner's seat. I don't feel like putting up with anyones bullshit today. I might just drop off them damn dinner rolls and bail. I'm really not in the mood.

Life is stinky right now. I hate it when I get like this, but I don't see a break anywhere. Fuck the dumb... let me go work. That is why I'm here.