The dick that I regret.

I dont remember which comedian (I think it was Da.ve Ch.app.elle) said that every woman has a dick she regrets.

He was only so damn right.

I don't know what made me think of that, but I instantly wanted to throw up recalling mine. I actually have a couple, but none so repugnant as the ex-boyfriend prior to this one. When I think of him, I have to close my eyes and do that little inner scream. I have to shake my head really hard and twitch for a while to dispell that sick ass image from my mind. Oh., how dirty I did myself by fuckin with that fool.

It isnt the fact (well, better only the fact) that he was a (then unbeknownst to me) dope fiend that made him gross. He just... was less than sexy. He was the type that you love their personality way more than the physical.

I will say that he wasn't black. As to his nationality, that doesn't matter. He wasn't a white guy or a black guy. Something totally out of my spectrum. Normally I'm not attracted to them, but like I said, his personality was (at the time) on hit. We got along fairly well until I realized what a spoiled asshole he was.

But onto why his is the dick I regret the most.

First of all, he was shorter than me. Which meant I, in my obviously Amazonian height of 5'4", was out of his reach in the "romantic" showers he kept insisting we take. That shit was just fuckin depressing. I know I have long legs, but damn homie! I mean, feel me here. You ever try to fuck, standing up, and the guy can't reach you? OH that is the lamest shit ever. And then, I didn't dig how pale he was either. Tan lines like a mutha. I'm thinking he'll be some semblance of the same color all over... not fuckin' so. Ugh. He looked gross against my skin. But I choked it all back, and tried to be a good sport. But it didn't stop there. He had NO ASS. Now most women dont care about ass on a man. But me, being used to my brothas muscular sexy behinds that are basically just there for me to grab, smack, and wrap my legs around for leverage, I am a conniseur of ass. And this dude had NONE. I had nothing to wrap around. I didn't even want to see it, let alone grab it. And it just looked WRONG as fuck. Even with the semi sexy tattoos on his shoulders, his lack of ass kilt the effect.

Then we get to the all around lack of skill. Short in every sense of the word. Had the nerve to be talking shit as if he was really putting it down. I couldn't even fake there, but he was so gone (obviously turned on by his own damn self, because I wasn't doing shit) he didn't even notice how not-into-it I was.

When I look back, I don't know how I kissed him. How I managed not to run and scream in the shower. I guess personality does go a long fuckin way... until you become a huge asshole. It was so easy for me to leave him it was a shame. It's like... if I didn't have such memories of cussing him out, he wouldn't even exist in my mind. I don't know why I even wanted to write about this. Probably to keep from throwing up and killing myself directly thereafter. But yes. His is definitely the dick I will always regret.