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It's so repetative.

I'm having my requisite freak out fit because I'm forced to be social. I put myself into this situation, and suddenly I want out. I wish I didn't spaz everytime I'm supposed to go somewhere. I mean, the function isn't until Friday evening. But I feel it... I don't want to go.

I know what it is. I know what I'm supposed to do to get over it. But I don't want to do it. I just want to stay home and only go to the actual meetings, where business is handled. The shit thats important.

I really don't have to go to anyones party. I'd be very happy just sitting in this bed, on this raggedy laptop that threatens to kick me off the internet everytime I open a new webpage. But for some reason I pledged a sorority. Nothing but social shit to torment me into oblivion. And I did it to myself, trying to branch out. Making an attempt to "get out there". But I'm a big chicken. Maybe I don't really need to get out there. Maybe I need to just do what the hell I feel like doing, which is going to the meetings and community services. I don't really feel the need to kick it in great detail unless I'm at a step show or something.

But thats no way to build sisterhood.

Whatever. I've got my own damn sister right here in my house. That's sisterhood for that ass.

I don't know why I'm trippin. Either I'mma go or I'm not. IfI come up with a good excuse, then I'll probably skip it. Especially since I have to see them Sunday anyway. I'm freakin out. I need to breathe.

I won't even begin to discuss him.

I can't have him, so there really shouldnt be anything to discuss. I'm still aggravated with myself because of my weakness in the matter. That's nothing new. I'm still in love with his lips. Nothing new there either.

I wonder why he had to show his beautiful ass up in my world. As if I didn't have enough to contend with. It just couldnt be kept at an occasional blog comment here and there. I don't even remember how this shit happened.

No matter, it has happened, I will deal with it some kinda way. He isn't here now. I think thats a good thing, gives me a second to clear my poor crowded and confused mind. Matter of fact, I think I'll split before he mysteriously shows up or something.

I'm out.