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It's another one of those "too much time to think" moments.

I'm not too upset, just reminiscent.

I don't even know if I used that word in the proper context or not... oh well. On to whats on my mind tonight.

I'm sitting here munching on a pomegranate, remembering better times. Times when I also had pomegranates, good music, the top button undone on the pants, do-rag tied on tight, relaxing with him on the couch.

There's always a "him" in my memories.

He had a way of making me feel so relaxed, damn near comatose. I never had to think hard about what to say, it never mattered if my face was made up or not. He'd lay on the couch with me across him, with his fingers drawing the ever-so-cliche circles on my waist. He'd have the stereo on, and he'd have a scarf ready for me when I got there. He'd tie it on for me, give me his jersey, and undo the top button on my pants while he kissed me. That was the spot to unwind. There was an unspoken understanding between us. Sex wasn't always necessary... not saying it didn't happen. There were hella times when I'd end up tangled around him. But he never came at me like that... he didn't have to.

He knew how much I dug the Isley's. He'd find Between the Sheets, or the Beautiful Ballads CD. It would be playing when I came inside. I'd hear it as soon as he would open the door, and kiss me on my neck.

My best memories are from the summer, I think it was in May. He kept the stuff around I liked to eat, strawberry soda, grapes, pomegranates. He would actually put the pomegranate seeds in my mouth for me, and he'd touch my lips before he'd kiss them. I'd lay there listening to "Lay Lady Lay" and "Make Me Say it Again", eating pomegranates, touching his braids with my fingers laughing at how nappy his hair could get. I spent so much quiet time there... he never made me feel bad for being quiet. He knew that sometimes I just didn't have anything to say. I communicated with him sans verbal assistance. He knew when I wanted a hug. He knew when I wanted a kiss. He knew when it was time to hold me, give me the remote control. He just knew.

I wish we could have been more serious about one another. He wasn't the committing type, and at the time neither was I. I've thought about looking him up, but if there's one thing I know for sure it's you cant teach an old dog new tricks. He was very serious about his casual lifestyle, although we only saw one another at the time. It's like we were pseudo-committed. Neither of us said nothing, but we put the others on hold while we were kicking it. But I've never forgotten him. His emails tell me he's never forgotten me either.

But there'll be no traveling backwards for me.

And thats always just a little too bad.