This shit is lame.

Everywhere I look its some muthafuckas in love.

Kissin' and shit, hugged up. On TV. In the store. In the damn drive thru. Man, I'm witnessing bus stop love.

And the shit is making me sick.

I'm in full blown bitter mode, and I don't care. I can't help it, so why try. I don't wanna hear nothing about how "[my] turn is gonna come," or "one day [I'll] meet the right guy."

Fuck that shit.

How about NOW, huh? Is that too damn much to ask? How come someone can't love me for real now?

Well I kinda know the answer to that. I'm super insecure about a lot of stuff. And I mean a LOT. I never feel worthy enough sometimes. But I do love myself, so supposedly I should be able to receive love. The problem is, I don't receive it, I am never that lucky. Nope, I just give it out. Then niggas trample on me, making me more bitter and insecure. A vicious, fucked up ass circle.

Un-crush had a good point when he asked me if I felt like I was shorting myself with my narrow criteria (in his case having too many female friends). Sometimes I do feel like I'm shorting myself. But there's no way to make myself comfortable with that. Unless I go back to the old M., who didn't give a damn about anyone and just did my own thang. But I was in such a bad state emotionally, I can't see myself going there again.

What it comes down to is that I want what every other woman wants. And what it looks like they all have right about now. And thats someone to love me and just me. Someone to kiss my hand in the muthafuckin drive thru. Someone to smile all stupid at. Someone to think about without immediately feeling burning hatred and wrath.

Is that too fuckin' much to ask?