Snitch

I straight told on myself last night. But it's funny, I felt kinda better after I did that. I know the person I told wont say anything.

Like I said, crushes are stupid. And a waste of time. I'll be glad when mine is over.

It doesn't help that I've kicked my man back to his resident curb. I'm gonna miss him, but I can't deal with the bullshit. If we're gonna just be bed-buddies, let me know. I can live with that. But don't play me close knowing I love you. That's just fucked up. I'm still not completely straight with getting rid of him (again), and I suppose this is gonna hurt for a long time. I haven't loved someone like that in so long, I forgot how horrific it is when it ends.

I don't wanna be the scanless bitch from 1998. I'm not going to move backwards, I'll just try to keep my head up, not think about his dick, and press on forward. There's a man out there that will feel worthy of me, and not make me feel bad for my acheivements and my upbringing. I can't change anyone's past, but I can try to make their present and future a better place for both of us. Baby couldn't understand that. He didn't understand that I held nothing against him in regards to his life before he and I got together. But he held it against himself, and let that shit beat me down and ruin our relationship.

I'm gonna miss him so damn much.

But even as scanless as I've been in my past, I've repented. And I know I deserve a man who at least feels like it's a good thing that I want to be with him, irrespective of his background. I demand to have a man that loves himself enough to let himself love me. To hell with all this other bullshit. I'm not going to put myself through this any more, ever again.

If only I could kick this crush shit to the curb with this much conviction, I'd be straight.