I've realized

that I really do have a big ass.

A bootylicious, I'm Black and I'm Proud ass.

Because a little ass cannot do the scientific feat known as the "booty clap".

I figured out I can do that shit by accident. I'm dancing in the room, hanging up my clothes, and I hear it. I'm like, "hell naw... you only weigh 115... that can't be your ass doing that." But dammit, it was true.

I have decided that of the 115 pounds I weigh, about 80 pounds of that is in my ass. And I'm not mad. I never wanted to be one of the little booty women anyway. I just accepted it as the truth. But my ass has told me that it was all lies... I do indeed have a bodacious Black butt. Now to find the nearest scrip club and drop it like its hot.

Well maybe not. But a sista does need these loans paid off.

Anyway, men are my eternal damnation and hell, so it really does no good to write about them. I refuse to take the ex back, no matter what extrordinary kindness he displayed today. The crush ain't there no more, thank goodness. Any dude who needs that many damn women as friends couldn't possibly need me along for the ride. I dont care how convincing his argument is. I know women, because I'm one. And although I dont believe in doing damage to my male homies' relationships, I have seen it done by some fellow "homegirls". I'll never trust that... I've seen too much. And I know myself, I'm too insecure for that, so why even set myself up. I thank the Lord that the Un-Crush is so upstanding and honest with those he considers to be friends, because he really nipped that crush mess in the bud with that announcement.

Well lemme go eat something.