I'm trying to remember...

how long it takes to become numb.

I'm getting restless again. Usually I'm not like everyone else, I'm generally a stoic, cynical individual. But when it comes to relationships or the lack therof... I'm 100% wussy girl.

I'm so sick of being alone, and I haven't even been rid of the ex for a good month. But I feel myself caving in. It isn't that I want him back per se, but I just don't want to be by myself.

That's where they get you.

Niggas know the average woman is lonely, and has some (or I should say, enough) insecurities that she'll put up with the shit they dish out. I've been guilty of stepping down to avoid the curse of being alone more than once. I can't let myself do it again.

I have no other prospects of decent men. I see crust mafia. I go out to decent places, and I see no decent men. And I look. I've gone out more in the past few months than I have in my whole adult life. I don't want to keep settling. I know there's an educated, fine, sexually powerful man out there I just cant seem to locate his ass.

And it's driving me crazy. I don't know what else to do.