Fixed it.

Yeah, I'm the shit.

I figured out the key to getting over a crush.... telling the actual guy.

Niggas aint never ready to hear that kind of information. The reaction is priceless. Dude definitely wasnt ready for that. So he gave me the diplomatic, non-commital answer, and promptly took his ass to bed, LMAO. I can live with that. And I shall now go on.

And mourn the real relationship that I'm really missing.

I knew the crush was futile and silly out the gates, and I've honestly been looking for a way to get rid of it. It was taking up too much valuable space in my mind. Don't make sense to be tripping off some dude I know for a fact is intangeable. Shit, I wasted almost a week. But now I need to get used to being alone again. Without the one man that loved me as best as he knew how. Unfortunately he had too much other shit going on that stood in our way. Its a sick empty feeling too. The crush didnt fill that hole. I knew that shit wasn't gonna last. But my man, my brown eyed baby, I wanted that to last. I'd hoped I'd be coming home to him, I'd be able to kiss him, see him without wanting to cry. I've been so fuckin confused for the past few days it's sickening. But now it's all coming clear. The smoky haze of the other shit has passed and I'm left with the cold reality that I miss my man.

But he's an unrepentant asshole, so I cannot subject myself to that pain any longer.

Fuck this shit. I'm depressed all over again. I'm going to bed.