Countdown
Luckily I've had less time to focus on my issues, because I've been eating myself into oblivion for the past 2.5 days. But the time of snacking incessantly is coming to an end (as is my temporary inner peace and sanity) as the leftovers run low. Now I'm tripping again during my beloved nap time, so I must consult the semi-anonymous theraputic medium known as this blog.
Basically, it's the un-crush thats causing the most recent upheaval.
He's told me on two or three separate occasions that he's coming out here in March. I'm getting nervous because he's asked me repeatedly if I'll clear some space for him. Of course, I answer in the ultra-calm, platonic affirmative, but truth be told I'm shook.
I'm a boring, lazy, un-motivated, kick back bitch.
I hate going out because people get on my nerves. Traffic gets on my nerves. Lesbians love me for some reason, though I do NOT return the sentiment. I strongly dislike driving at night (shit, driving period sucks out here). I have a shitty sense of direction and can get lost on the other side of the same hood where I've spent my whole damn life. Knowing this to be true, exactly what the hell am I supposed to do with the super hyper chick magnet known as the Un-Crush?
I have no fucking idea.
Am I supposed to be responsible for that day's itinerary since this is my city? Should I let him fend for himself since he's coming out here on his own to visit his homegirls and just happened to add me to his agenda? I'm just immensely thankful that this is about 3 months away, and there's the chance that he might not be able to pull it off. So I'm not going to freak too severely. Because that's good energy wasted in the event he doesn't pull this off.
However, the slight-OCD-panic-social-anxiety disorder having bitch in me won't let that ride. Because of the flip side of the coin that says he'll be out here in March. And I won't have a single clue what to do with his ass. Panic attack, anyone? Sure, I'll have one, thanks for offering.
Dinners are nice, but stuffy. I like movies and snacks, jeans and Nikes. I don't wanna get all diva'd out. I don't even think I know how anymore. Shit. I'd have to get my hair pressed again. I just put the cornrows back in since the bitch ass beautician cut too much of my hair off. Now I gotta grow the shit out again. Just to get it sizzled in three months so I fit the bill when I meet him. I made up a mantra though. I figure for the next 3 months I'mma chant this:
"You are NOT special. You are now just ONE more in his circle of PIRHANAS. You are NOT the chick for him. You are a PLATONIC PIRHANA."
Directions: repeat all day long.
That should work. If I hype myself on the fact that I'm just like the other chicks he knows, I'll be able to stop from deluding myself, thus starting this crush shit up all over again. I'll be damned if I let that happen. It took a whole two weeks and some change to get over that bullshit. I think I'd just drive right on off the damn freeway if that shit started again. Being lonely sucks ass, true enough. But I'm not gonna fill my head with imaginary shit again... hell naw. Nope, not the kid. Well, I guess I should go munch some more and enjoy the peace while I can.
Basically, it's the un-crush thats causing the most recent upheaval.
He's told me on two or three separate occasions that he's coming out here in March. I'm getting nervous because he's asked me repeatedly if I'll clear some space for him. Of course, I answer in the ultra-calm, platonic affirmative, but truth be told I'm shook.
I'm a boring, lazy, un-motivated, kick back bitch.
I hate going out because people get on my nerves. Traffic gets on my nerves. Lesbians love me for some reason, though I do NOT return the sentiment. I strongly dislike driving at night (shit, driving period sucks out here). I have a shitty sense of direction and can get lost on the other side of the same hood where I've spent my whole damn life. Knowing this to be true, exactly what the hell am I supposed to do with the super hyper chick magnet known as the Un-Crush?
I have no fucking idea.
Am I supposed to be responsible for that day's itinerary since this is my city? Should I let him fend for himself since he's coming out here on his own to visit his homegirls and just happened to add me to his agenda? I'm just immensely thankful that this is about 3 months away, and there's the chance that he might not be able to pull it off. So I'm not going to freak too severely. Because that's good energy wasted in the event he doesn't pull this off.
However, the slight-OCD-panic-social-anxiety disorder having bitch in me won't let that ride. Because of the flip side of the coin that says he'll be out here in March. And I won't have a single clue what to do with his ass. Panic attack, anyone? Sure, I'll have one, thanks for offering.
Dinners are nice, but stuffy. I like movies and snacks, jeans and Nikes. I don't wanna get all diva'd out. I don't even think I know how anymore. Shit. I'd have to get my hair pressed again. I just put the cornrows back in since the bitch ass beautician cut too much of my hair off. Now I gotta grow the shit out again. Just to get it sizzled in three months so I fit the bill when I meet him. I made up a mantra though. I figure for the next 3 months I'mma chant this:
"You are NOT special. You are now just ONE more in his circle of PIRHANAS. You are NOT the chick for him. You are a PLATONIC PIRHANA."
Directions: repeat all day long.
That should work. If I hype myself on the fact that I'm just like the other chicks he knows, I'll be able to stop from deluding myself, thus starting this crush shit up all over again. I'll be damned if I let that happen. It took a whole two weeks and some change to get over that bullshit. I think I'd just drive right on off the damn freeway if that shit started again. Being lonely sucks ass, true enough. But I'm not gonna fill my head with imaginary shit again... hell naw. Nope, not the kid. Well, I guess I should go munch some more and enjoy the peace while I can.
posted by ~~~. at 11/27/2004 05:06:00 PM
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