Could it be over?

Man, I'm not sure what to think.

I'm not all twitchy and stupid when I think of him now.

I mean, of course he's still sexy as hell. But I'm not all, I dont know... captured feeling. I can think about him without the butterflies. I'm starting to see him as just the homie again.

That has to be the biggest blessing I've had in a couple of weeks.

Its no fun drooling over someone who ain't drooling over you. And who is a billion miles away. And who has so many homegirls theres no way in hell you'd ever feel safe being anything but his homegirl.

I think I'm in the best spot possible.

Them bitches are like pirhanas, I'm certain of it. Every time he sees more than one at one time, drama pops off. I am ever so cool on bitches being catty over a man that doesn't (and at this rate, never will) belong to them. I have better things to do than eyeball and subtly snipe at a bitch over a man who ain't mine. And ain't theirs either. Shit, if he's got it like that, then good for him. I just cannot get down like that. I think thats the main influence on my newfound cool-on-him-ness.

Maybe if things were a lot different, I could see it. But the more I learn I'm doubting it. I already have issues with self-confidence, trust, underestimation of myself, etc. All that shit that was snatched from me on two separate, painful occasions. Even with counseling, I dont know how I'm gonna ever really get over it. So I damn sure can't have a man that EVERYONE wants. I'll end up in jail, because I'd be sniping bitches from the roof with the assa.ult rifl.e. And I wouldn't even act like it wasn't me. Because I dont have the time, energy, or patience to be dealing with old "friends" still hanging around hoping he'll pick them. Fuck that. Not me, no sir.

So I think I'mma be all right. He's a wonderful friend. I believe I can keep it at that now. If anything changes, it will be 100% on him, and since I dont see that happening, then it's all gravy.

Now to find someone in my own damn time zone.