Confessin' a feeling

I should be ashamed of myself, but I'm not.

I picked up my phone and considered calling one of the guys I purposely cut loose. I remembered the phone number by heart. It was almost an omen.

I don't want to be celibate anymore. The love shit aint working out, I just want some good old fashioned sex. And the bad part is, I know exactly who'll give it to me.

Of course they wont do me til I cry like the ex, but I'll settle for what I can get. I know for a fact that if I make a phone call right now, I could definitely have some ass after work. But then there's that damn good girl part that wants to fight off the triflingness threatening to overtake me. Whenever a relationship doesn't work I have to fight with this. Because relationships are so much work, and 90% of the time I get screwed. Something always happens, and the men for whatever reason cannot (or refuse to) hold up to their end of the deal. So I've wasted my time, when I coulda just been getting laid. I've got my backup arsenal of dick that'll stop whatever they're doing if I call. But that doesn't give me the right to use them like that. Shit sucks.

Thats not a healthy way to view relationships. But I'll be damned if it's not the most accurate representation of my life. I'm gonna fight this off though. I don't have to get some, especially since I'm working all hard to act like I've got some sense.

I guess I'd better get back to work. At least I put the phone down.