And I still miss him.

Yeah, he's still wrong.

Nope, no apology as of yet. But I'm seeing a lot of repentance through his behavior. I hate it when people act indirectly apologetic, because for all I know he's playing me close.

Wouldn't be the first time.

I'm still speaking to him, and we are nice to each other. I just don't let him touch me or claim him as my own. It hurts too, because now when guys ask me if I have a man, I'm lying. Of course I'm gonna say "yes", but it isn't true, and that sucks ass.

I could whine about this for hours. No one really wants to hear about it, because the fam didn't approve of him in the first place. So everyone is kinda glad we're through. They wont come out and say it, but I know it's true. I've only been living with these folks for my whole 25 years of life. They feel bad for my pain, but they're relieved that he's out of the picture.

He really isn't though, because I miss him so much. I don't know why folks can't act right. But I refuse to play into his bullshit. Like I said, for all I know he's playing me. All he has to do is come out and apologize. That is an open indication to me that he recognizes that he is dead wrong, that he is, in fact, remorseful for his assholic behavior, and values me enough to know that he has to fix it when he messes up. Somehow I don't see that happening any time soon. Maybe that's what hurts the most. I don't know. But I do know that I won't settle for being trampled on any longer. Been there done that a zillion billion times.

And in spite of all the grandiose realizations, bottom lines, and epiphanies, one thing outlasts them all.

I still miss his ass.